As I re-engage writing my Journey-To-Life blog I realize that after only three days of continued writing I am struggling to find issues that I deem worthy of writing about. This may only be some trick of the mind to steer me away from my writing as it begins to really challenge my mind. Ideas come and go. What seemed important yesterday seems irrelevant today. As before when I was engaged in writing the question comes up “Is this process really worth engaging in? What for anyway”.
I see that this is a familar step in my process. I’ve been here before and I dropped it at that point. I dropped the process of writing because I did not know what to write about anymore. I questioned the value of writing, the imporance of dealing with whatever comes up in my mind, the felt emptiness in my mind, the arising doubts, the increasing interest in steering myself away from writing and doing something more worthwhile instead. And I know this is a trick of the mind. Because how did I get here, to Desteni and the process of writing, in the first place? It happened because I saw no other way. Nothing else has worked so far. Nothing gave me lasting satisfaction. Everything I have done so far ended up in dis-illusionment, hopelessness and despair.
So how am I going to continue now? Will I drop it again? Will I seek for something more worthy, more interesting, more fun? No, I won’t. I will stick to the process and continue my writing, regardless of what it brings to the surface. And even if it brings notihing other than deep frustration. Because even that would be a point to look at more deeply.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use doubt to consider prematurely ending a process which has not even started.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should only write if I have something important and worthwhile to say.
- I commit myself to continuing the process.
- I commit myself to continuing the process against all internal and external resistances that may show up.
- I commit myself to examine any and all resistances that appear while going through the process of writing.