On day 15 I wrote about self-responsibility and why I felt as a victim and yesterday on day 16 I wrote about my decision to take my life back. I want to continue this train of thought since I feel there is a strong relationship between being confused and the refusal reaction and its release through acceptance and forgiveness as described on day 15, and the following corrective application (deciding to take control) described on day 16.
The confusion and rejection experienced on day 15 were coming exclusively from the mind. It was my entire upbrining and the values that I had acquired during the first 45 years of my life that rebelled against the change in direction that I wanted to implement now in my life. In a clear way this confusion was showing me that I was still holding on to the people, the thoughts, the ideas, the definitions, values and belief systems that had been formed during my life but to which I could not hold on to any longer since they absolutely dont work for me anymore. The new people, thoughts, ideas, definitions, values and belief system fully contradict the old. And I need to make a decision. I cannot follow two contradictory and opposing paths at the same time. This is impossible. But I was refusing to accept the new, even though it makes far more sense. I refused and rebelled against it because I feared it could be too difficult to embark on that new road and into the unknown even though I saw clearly that the old ways did not work at all. So the confusion was about the fact that I knew the old was not working for me and only a change would be able to work, but at the same time was unwilling to let the old go and accept the new even though I knew it was the only path that could work. I was refusing and rejecting new which I knew was true because my mind labelled it as difficult and unbearable even though the way that actually was difficult and unbearable was the old way and not the new. And this caused the confusion. The confusion tried to hold me inside the well-known victim role and my mind rejected its release into self-directed living in honesty.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the victim role even to this very day.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in uncertainty, confusion, self-pity, refusal and rejection as the mind without realizing that it would keep me prisoner to the old and outdated victim role.
- I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the old victim role and all my previous attachments even though they clearly do not work for me anymore.
- I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embark on the new path of self-honesty and authenticity because of fear of the new and the challenges that might come.
- I commit myself to now embark on the path I see in front of me and follow it through without ever letting my ingrained mind-programs of fear and self-doubt interfere with it again.
- I commit myself to let go of self-doubt, confusion, and fear.
- I commit myself to release the victim role in all areas of my life once and for all.
- I commit myself to let go of the past and all my mental and emotional attachments to it and follow the path that leads to life as life in authenticity and self-honesty.