Day 16: Taking my life back

beliefOn day 15 I wrote about the point of self-responsibility and why I did not want it. My argument was that I did not opt for coming here into this life or this body (at least I cannot remember it) and since it was not my choice I didn’t want to take responsibility for it. I did not want to be forced into any kind of responsibility that was forced on me without my free acceptance of it. So I wanted to give up my responsibility for my life and my body. But this also caused a conflict becaue in giving up the responsibility for my body and my life, i would have to submit to others which also would restrict my freedom. So in the end there was no out. I could either take up the responsibility for a body and a life that I never choce through my free will or I could give it up and let othters rule over me. In both cases I would not have a choice. So it really did not matter if I took up responsibility for my life and body or gave it up. I would not be free either way.

I know that my cicrulating thoughts kept me in this confusing thining-loop and in the downward spiral of repetitive thinking. Fortunately, the day after I wrote my day 15 blog I had to travel and take a day off from writing. And today the situation just does not look as dire and confusing as before. As I wrote earlier, there is always a possibility to decide (by something I would call free will) whether or not we want to give any value and weight to our thoughts. In my example that would simply mean that I would not have to let my thoughts rule over me and let them rule my behaviours and actions. Neither my thought of being trapped in a life and body that I did not want did I need to choose as being true or valuable, nor did I have to believe in the idea that if I gave responsibility for my life and body away I would be unfree. Maybe even the opposite was true and if I simply would not hang on to my personal definition of freedom (as for expample needing to be free of my life and body to be free), I would indeed be free. So what if I just did not cling to any thought, any idea, any belief or definition? What if I would simply freely choose what freedom means to me, what life means to me and what my body means to me? Would this mean negating reality and escaping into illusion? Can I really decide how I want to see life and how to operate in it? Can I live life on my own terms and take full responsibility for it? And is this not exactly what I am already doing the whole time?

I have to admit this is indeed so. I am taking responsibility for my life all the time. Everyone does. Regardless of whether we decide to give responsibility away or whether we decide to keep it, it is our decision and our choice to do so. Even accepting the thought that it is much harder, perhaps too difficult, to take full responsibility for our lifes is just a choice we make. We might choose the opposite and say it is much easier to take responsibility for our lives and our bodies than give it away to others, submit to their ideas and being ruled by them. And this actually has been my problem for quite some time. I am just feeling uneasy when I have to submit to others. I cannot, I do not want to let them rule over me. I want to be my own boss. In all parts of my life. There is nobody I am allowing to rule over my life. No people, no thoughts, no ideas, no definitions, no belief system, not even God. I want to be in charge. And I am taking my life back now.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for others (people, thoughts, ideas, belief systems, definitions) to rule over me, my body, my thoughts, ideas, definitions and belief systems.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to be ruled by the values of others instead of developing my own by looking around in this world and see and realize what needs to be done.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mself to escape into confusion once and again and use this as an excuse for not facing life and accept my role in and as life.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as not being strong enought to take up lifes challenges and stand firm as life and in life and do the work that I see as my work here in life and as life, regardless of what others think.
  • I commit myself to not let confusion run my life.
  • I commit myself to work through tough situations, ideas, and confrontations in order to develop a path of honesty and self-trust that guides me through life.
  • I commit myself to develop my own values based on what I see and experience in the physical and not let my life be ruled by egoistic desires, survival instincts, delusional thinking, escapism, or visions of grandeur.
  • I commit myself to  e-valuate all thoughts, ideas, definitions and belief systems that I have in relation to their value for me and others, for life as a whole, and how they can serve the greater good and then acting on them accordingly to express them here in the physical.

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